Healing Isn’t Linear—and That’s Okay

This week, some old stuff came back up for me—out of nowhere. Guilt, shame, memories I thought I’d moved past. It was like a wave I didn’t see coming. And I’m sharing this because if it’s happened to you, I want you to know: this is normal.

Healing isn’t a straight line. It’s not a box you check off like, “Cool, done with that.” Sometimes, even when you’re feeling good—especially when you’re feeling good—something in you will stir up the past. That little voice creeps back in, poking at your insecurities, making you question how far you’ve really come. And suddenly, you're spiraling in thoughts you thought you’d already let go of.

I had that moment this week. And then I realized: that voice? It’s just fear. It’s just the old version of me trying to take the wheel again.

The truth is, we’ve all done things we’re not proud of. We’ve all messed up. We’ve all acted out of character, believed lies, pushed people away, stayed in things too long, hurt others—you name it. And while some of us carry more of that than others, not a single one of us is immune to it.

But here’s what I’m learning, over and over again: we made the choices we made based on who we were and what we knew at the time. If we had the clarity, healing, or self-awareness we have now, we wouldn’t have done those same things. But we didn’t. And beating ourselves up for that—again and again—isn’t fair. It keeps us stuck. It blocks us from being who we’re here to be now.

You can’t fully show up for your life if you’re still tangled in guilt and shame from the past. You deserve to let that go. You really, truly do.

And yes—hell yes—I’ve made mistakes. Big ones. I’ve hurt people, hurt myself, stayed too quiet, spoken too loudly, trusted the wrong things, acted out of fear or pain or survival. But every single one of those things taught me something. Every single one led me to the version of myself I am today. And this version? I wouldn’t change her for anything.

I love how I show up now. I love my boundaries, my clarity, my capacity for empathy, my integrity. I love how deeply I care about people, how I move through the world now, and how clear I am on my values. But I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t gone through all of it. And if I had to do it all again to get here, I would.

So if you’re in a moment where your past feels heavy again—don’t let it define you. Let it remind you of how far you’ve come.

None of this is a straight path. But you’re still on it. And you’re doing better than you think.